Author name: sct-admin

By Scott Reddoch My eye ached and my neck had become so fatigued that I felt I couldn’t type another letter. I had a presentation in a few days and was only on the third paragraph. I know that eye gaze takes time but this was brutal. A few weeks ago I was doing Q&A with a group of therapists. I was asked what I know now that I wish I knew before about AAC. The questions they asked made me realize that I may have some information that other people might have use for. So here it is. Eye Gaze is Not Easy I have severe vision damage from two strokes a few years ago. Strokes that should have killed me. We are getting better at saving lives, and I am glad that we are. But as a result, I am now non-verbal and quadriplegic. Not only can’t I talk or move, but I don’t see well either. That has made eye gaze challenging, but I didn’t have many options for communication. I felt that it was unfortunate that I have had to use a Tobii/Dynavox for my communication over the last few years. That isn’t a fair statement. The Tobii Dynavox that I use has been an absolute lifeline for me. I can’t imagine what my world would be like without this technology. How I Got Started In my early days, I didn’t think much of AAC. Augmentive and Alternative Communication, for those who don’t know the acronym. I wanted to talk like I used to. However, that wasn’t happening and I slowly began looking at AAC as a critical part of my everyday life. I didn’t know anything about it, but my nurse knew a little and my speech therapist knew a lot. Before my introduction to high tech AAC, I was using a letterboard. Letterboard communication is a low tech method I was taught when it was discovered that I had the cognitive abilities to communicate with others, just no speaking ability. I was happy to finally let people know what I was thinking. Using the letterboard greatly improved my care and I could tell doctors about what was working. It was great to be communicating again but there had to be a better way. The letterboard is extremely slow and requires a partner to perform. Being able to communicate, and even share my thoughts with others who want to hear them, has been very important. I tried a few different types of camera configurations. I tried this device that uses trace movement, but I didn’t really have any that I could control. I settled on an eye gaze computer that has built in cameras. I should mention here that I was able to try all of this out while I was at Touro Hospital. Not only did I learn about these devices, but my speech language pathologist Maggie Homer knew what could help me. That made all the difference. She understood the importance of me being able to express myself. I didn’t know this, but my SLP was training me with this alternative communication device because it had the best chance of getting me some quality of life. It was so difficult to control that I had thought eye gaze wasn’t for me. But I was determined to make it work. The Reality of Eye Gaze I don’t have a story of instant success or even a story about slow and steady progress. My experience with AAC is that the gains came in anticlimactic spurts, with long periods of no progress and self doubt in between. About 100 words would take an eternity to type. At that time, more than that would give me blurred vision and the most severe eye strain that I had ever experienced. This happened to me several times. This is what building eye strength actually feels like. With eye gaze, you will feel like you are visually running a marathon. The pain and fatigue say quit, but you have to keep pushing. Eye gaze requires a lot of strength, patience, and clarity. Also, most programs on the Internet are not built with access for paralyzed people in mind. In order to get proficient at it, you are going to have to build eye strength and develop a new skill that is unlike anything you have ever seen before. Strength is part of it. But strength alone won’t do it. Like most things, you have to build the skill over time. Nobody is good at first. Running the eye gaze is like threading a needle. Most things seem counterintuitive. You don’t put the cursor on the places you want to select. You have to stare at the spots you want to select and the cursor will come to where you are staring. Eye gaze is very sensitive. It detects the slightest movement, so you must have an intentional, undistracted gaze. What I Learned About Eye Health One of the first things that helped me was taking eye health seriously. This is especially important because eye gaze is so challenging, you need every advantage you can get. I maintained a good relationship with my optometrist. I went through two eyeglass prescriptions looking for the perfect one. As I write this, I am thinking about changing it again. Start treating your vision as the precious ability that it is. Eye-gaze will make you hone your skill like an Olympic athlete. There will be lots of eye strain and it is going to hurt. Back when I was trying to control eye gaze with two eyes, before I wore a patch over my bad eye, I had wrecked my eyes to the point that they were bloodshot for a week and I had to take a break for a while. That was a low point. But it taught me something important about pacing myself and protecting my vision. What Actually Works Through all the frustration and failed attempts, I did find a few

By Scott Reddoch It must have seemed so easy, like taking candy from a baby. The denial letter almost guaranteed my death. It read: “Mr. Reddoch, Our staff doctor has reviewed your request. The items requested have been classified as medically unnecessary and is denied. If you feel this decision is an error, you can appeal it within 30 business days of the date of this letter.” Certainly there had been some mistake, how could a doctor deny me, of all people a wheelchair? Nobody wants a wheelchair, but need one for mobility. I was no exception. My family and my team of medical professionals started assembling the appeal. Everyone agreed that there must be some error, denying a wheelchair was absurd. Building the Appeal We made a “sturdy” appeal that left no doubt that the decision had been reached in error. I included letters from my general practitioner, neurologist, and physical therapist. The vendor that was to get me the chair combed through the request for any coding mistakes. Pictures of me were also part of it. Everyone had a final review of the appeal and it was sent via postal service per the instructions. A couple of weeks went by and we heard nothing. Nervous about the situation my mother called to ask if they received it. After the usual maze of transfers, she finally got a human. Frustrated, she calmly explained the purpose of the call. The person informed her that it was not received and given a number to call the legal department. The Fax Machine Fiasco The next day, the legal department was called and that is where this circus gets really good. Luckily we had copies of everything in the appeal, their attorney will handle the appeal moving forward to make sure no document was lost again. That was great news. Then the shoe dropped, my mother tells this attorney that we have copies of the appeal and she can email it right away, then the attorney says “you have to fax it.” What was probably the largest insurance company in the US uses a fax machine for this. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t used a fax machine in 20 years. I wasn’t sure that I knew anyone with a fax machine. But my life depended on getting legal what they needed. One of my mom’s friends had a fax machine at her business. My mother printed all of the appeal, checked that everything was there, and drove off to fax it. This certainly took some work, but she got it all faxed. The next day she calls the attorney to check that the fax was received. The attorney acknowledged receiving the fax, but said that she didn’t need all of the fax and that she would mail us the single page appeal form. After a few days we get this simple form which is filled out and faxed over. It gets better. The Second Denial About two weeks later I get another denial letter. “Mr. Reddoch, We reviewed your appeal and still consider your request to be medically unnecessary and is denied. If you desire, a Judge in your state can make a final ruling. You may incur legal fees and be required to pay court ordered fines.” This was a good time to be non-verbal because I had a lot to say about the letter. I was floored. All of that effort, and all of the people that worked on the appeal was a waste. I thought that there had been a mistake, but quickly learned that this wasn’t about my need, it was about money. This changed me from “Appeal Scott” to “Battle Scott.” Regardless of their statement of risk, I decided that a Judge would need to see this. I don’t know anything about healthcare or legal proceedings, but I know how to fight. This was finally becoming a game I can play. Taking It to Court There was an application filed with the state court. There were instructions to provide any documents that you want the judge to review. It may have been overkill, but I sent the entire appeal. A hearing was scheduled for about 90 days from the application’s filing. The Intimidation Letters Shortly after, I started receiving letters from the insurance company (I got three in total.) “Mr. Reddoch, Currently our legal fees are $5,700.00 you may be required to pay that and additional court fines based on the judgment of your hearing.” This letter struck fear in my parents who take care of me, but it energized me. I remember doing dumb kid stuff and somebody saying “don’t look down” as you climb high in a tree. The second letter was just like the first one, but not the third. Letters one and two were mere appetizers, letter three was the main course. Letter three was the ruler of letters, designed to strike fear into any unfortunate recipient. It read “Mr. Reddoch, This letter is to inform you that we currently have a total of $11,300.00 in legal fees that you may be required to pay as well as any court fines. To ensure that you are aware of all of your options, we propose to waive all legal fees upon cancellation of the hearing. Page two of this letter details the steps for cancellation. Thank you.” Oh boy this was a good one. Lots of people see different things in this letter, I think they are scared. They never close with thank you. I got them right where I want them. Preparing for Battle I don’t think that anyone on my team had any experience with a Judge. Lack of experience and all, we prepared for the hearing. We even had a rehearsal to practice who says what. Everyone studied the appeal and watched some lawyer movies to get ready for the big day. We didn’t have a clue of what lied ahead, but we were a prepared bunch. The

By Scott Reddoch “I’m late! I’m late! For a very important date!” You know those words. They’ve been stuck in our heads for over 150 years. But here’s something that might surprise you: Lewis Carroll didn’t just create a memorable children’s character when he wrote about the White Rabbit in 1865. He accidentally predicted our entire relationship with time. I know what you’re thinking. A rabbit in a waistcoat created our obsession with being busy? Stay with me on this one. The rabbit wasn’t just a symbol of anxiety, he was born of culture’s focus on deadlines and productivity. When the World Went Mad The year 1865 wasn’t just when Alice tumbled down that rabbit hole. It was the exact moment humanity started racing against time instead of living with it. The American Civil War had just ended. Lincoln was assassinated. The 13th Amendment abolished slavery. But the real change happening was quieter and more permanent. Railroads were exploding across continents, demanding precise schedules for the first time in human history. The Industrial Revolution was hitting full stride, forcing people to punch time clocks and live by factory whistles. Before 1865, most folks lived by the sun. You woke up when it rose, worked until it set, ate when you were hungry. Time wasn’t this frantic master breathing down your neck. But suddenly, everything had to be precisely timed. Trains couldn’t just “show up eventually.” Workers couldn’t stroll in “sometime around morning.” Telegraph lines were connecting distant cities in real time. The world was becoming a giant, mechanical pocket watch, and everyone had to dance to its ticking. Right in the middle of this chaos, Carroll publishes a story about a rabbit frantically checking his pocket watch, muttering about being late for some mysterious important appointment. That’s not coincidence. That’s prophecy. The Birth of Our Anxiety I spent two decades as a project manager. Trust me, I’ve sat in conference rooms full of White Rabbits wearing three-piece suits instead of waistcoats. Carroll’s rabbit wasn’t just late. He was anxiously late. Constantly stressed. Always rushing toward the next obligation without ever stopping to notice the wonder around him. Think about the White Rabbit’s behavior for a minute. He’s got his schedule, his pocket watch, his very important appointments. He’s serving the Queen of Hearts, living in constant fear of disappointing authority. He’s so focused on being somewhere else that he completely misses the magical world he’s actually living in. The guy literally lives in Wonderland and never stops to appreciate it. If that’s not the perfect description of modern life, I don’t know what is. Being the Rabbit Before my strokes changed everything, I was the poster child for White Rabbit syndrome. I’d check my phone every thirty seconds. My calendar was packed tighter than a sardine can. I measured success by how busy I was, how many projects I juggled, how much money I made. I was always ten minutes ahead of where I actually was. I remember missing conversations with my parents because my mind was already racing to the next deadline. I was sprinting through my own Wonderland, pocket watch in hand, completely blind to what was right in front of me. Here’s the thing about being a White Rabbit: you think you’re important. You think all that rushing means something. You believe the myth that busy equals valuable. But when you’re lying in a hospital bed with a 10% chance of survival, you realize something sobering. Most of those “very important dates” weren’t important at all. The White Rabbit spent the entire story running toward something that was never clearly defined. Carroll did that on purpose. Most of our urgent appointments are just as vague when we really think about them. Modern Rabbits in Digital Waistcoats Fast forward to today, and we’ve turned Carroll’s warning into a lifestyle manual. We carry pocket watches that never stop buzzing. We call them smartphones, but they’re really anxiety machines designed to make us feel perpetually behind. We schedule our children’s lives like military operations. Soccer practice at 4:30, piano lessons at 6:00, homework from 7:00 to 8:30. We’re teaching them to be White Rabbits before they even understand what childhood wonder looks like. Our work emails demand immediate responses. Our social media feeds never stop updating. We’re living in a constant state of digital lateness, always trying to catch up with information that’s moving faster than we are. I watch people now from my wheelchair, and it’s fascinating. Everyone’s rushing somewhere, staring at their phones, looking stressed about time. They’re walking through their own personal Wonderlands and missing all of it because they’re late for something that probably isn’t as important as they think. What the Rabbit Missed The White Rabbit spent the entire story missing the point. He rushed past Alice when she was falling down the rabbit hole. He ignored the Mad Hatter’s tea party. He was too busy to notice the Cheshire Cat’s wisdom or the Queen’s obvious insanity. He lived in a world full of magic and saw none of it because he was too focused on his schedule. Here’s what my condition taught me: the magic isn’t in the destination. It’s in noticing what’s happening right now. Since I’ve had to move away, my girlfriend and I communicate through email. Really talking. Not planning the next thing or worrying about tomorrow’s schedule. Just being present with each other. Those conversations have become more valuable to me than any project deadline I ever hit. I notice things now that I never saw before. The way afternoon light hits the wall. How my parents’ faces change when they laugh. The sound of rain on the roof. These aren’t profound revelations. They’re just life happening at the speed of life instead of at the speed of anxiety. Breaking the Rabbit Cycle You don’t need a medical crisis to stop being the White Rabbit. Start small. Put your phone in another room for an hour. Eat a meal

By Scott Reddoch A Rushed Arrival The taxi sped to the unloading zone. They barely came to a complete stop and the cab’s doors opened to a young couple sprinting to the terminal’s entrance. Their carry on only style of travel allowed them to run past the ticketing counter saving them precious time. A surprisingly fast TSA line let them get to the gate for the final boarding call. They just barely made it. Missing the View Once in the air the couple both entertained themselves with endless social media feeds, only stopping when asked for the plane’s descent. After the plane landed they began rushing again, they weren’t late for anything, they just wanted to get to the hotel. The woman had visited this place many times for business but it was the first time for the man. In a taxi again they both checked in on social media and went to their feeds. After a 25 minute cab ride, the driver announced that they were at the end of their fare. Barely looking away from her phone the woman paid him. Unnoticed Details The next day, the couple walked to a nearby cafe for breakfast. Gary stopped mid-stride, his attention caught by an ornate building across the street. The morning light illuminated intricate terra cotta details above the second-story windows, scrollwork and floral patterns that someone had carefully crafted over a century ago. Decorative cornices crowned each corner with geometric precision. “Was this here yesterday, why didn’t you tell me about it?” Gary asked, genuinely amazed. He loved old architecture, the craftsmanship, the attention to detail, the way builders once took pride in even the parts of buildings most people would never look at closely. “I don’t know, I’ve never seen it before.” The woman replied, barely glancing up. “It’s just some old store.” She added as they walked down the street. Gary lingered a moment longer, wondering what other architectural treasures lined the route. Just Another Weekend Once back at the office, Gary’s coworker asked “How was Memphis?” He responded “The hotel was nice,” and that he found a good restaurant there. His long weekend out of town wasn’t much different than any other weekend. The highlight of the trip being a day off of work. Recognizing Myself in Gary How many of us have had a vacation similar to Gary’s? I know that I have. In my case, I let things distract me from my surroundings, not grasping the important parts of my journey. Like Gary, I missed things that would have made my trip much better. I didn’t want to be the person who would only notice the hotel or restaurant in my travels, but I was that guy. The Curiosity I Once Had It wasn’t always like this for me. As a child I noticed a lot about a new place. I would see all of the shops, the terrain, and could even tell you what the air was like. Maybe it was a form of survival, witnessing the world in great detail and having a curiosity about what’s behind every turn. I didn’t have many distractions then. Through my adult years I lost that curiosity about things, I no longer appreciated novelty and instead favored plain, boring, or familiar. The Gradual Loss Looking back, this probably started to develop much earlier than my adulthood. I believe that I started losing curiosity gradually, from my elementary school years. Further education reinforced it and I began gravitating to the familiar, known approaches. Throw in a career, the internet, and smart phones and eventually I killed any trace of curiosity that I had left. The Cost of Constant Connection We are living in a world where technology is advancing at a rapid pace. Never before have we seen such an efficient and informed society. My attention is constantly being competed for every waking moment of my day. Unfortunately, my brain and most human brains are not advancing as quickly. We don’t watch the negative effects, just the positive ones. Making Time Matter This brings me to a bigger question. It has been said that we all get the same amount of time. Everyone has the time to travel from cradle to grave, trips are unique but, they start at the same point. With that in mind, I ask myself what I’m doing with my time. We all die, nature is a very efficient operation, but am I making an impact that matters? I try to but I have traded my curiosity of life for an existence that compares itself to the other existences. Choosing to Live I want to live, not just exist. I began searching for how others have found lives worth living. The Steps Along the Way One of my first discoveries is that I completely missed the whole goal setting class. But I do know that each step toward the goal is a moment to be experienced, and not treated as just a step toward the goal. I believe that we should always have goals, but remember that achievement lies in making the right steps. For me, the journey is more important than the destination. I think about Gary sometimes, standing on that Memphis street corner, finally seeing what had been there all along. He had the architecture he loved right in front of him, but he almost missed it completely. Did that moment change anything for him, or did he go back to his phone on the ride to the airport? I hope he looked up. I hope he saw the buildings, the people, the life happening around him. Because that’s what I’m trying to do now: to see what’s actually in front of me before it becomes just another place I visited but never really experienced. The question is will you see the details in your life or will it simply pass you by? Share via: Facebook X-twitter Pinterest Envelope Click here to sign up

By Scott Reddoch A friend of mine signed up to run a marathon. We were talking about it one day and he commented that I could never run a marathon. He didn’t know that I was a closet runner. I had run numerous 5ks and two half marathons. I accepted the challenge. The training schedule I started was grueling. Although I started training in spring, the humidity had already become a topic of conversation. I couldn’t imagine what I would do in summer, the humidity was ridiculous. The entire track was shaded by large oak trees. There was a point where someone had planted three pines. They were taller than all of the other trees and home to many squirrels and a bunch of crows. I think that it is really cool that a bunch of crows isn’t called a flock, it’s called a murder. Anyway the crows were bigger than any crows that I had seen, they were midnight black and deadly looking. There was a bench nearby and people would sit and feed those monsters bread. The poor squirrels wouldn’t come near them and I am pretty sure that they have killed people before. I hate those crows. I thought those crows were scary, but watching them feed was absolutely terrifying. These giant crows would perch together high up in a tree and swoop down all at once. Once on the ground they would hop around being all scary and scream at each other while eating little pieces of bread. I called this crowmageddon. One day I saw this crow perched in the tree that wouldn’t swoop down for bread like the rest. I figured that this crow was plotting. I couldn’t tell them apart which was concerning because I knew that it was up to something. My fears were correct. What I now call the Crow King had seen someone forget an entire loaf of bread on the bench. The Crow King swoops down for this and begins pecking a hole in the plastic wrapper containing the bread. Once a hole was made it would eat all the bread it wanted. When the others noticed and started hopping over, the Crow King just flew back to the top of the tree. I didn’t know that this was like a shark smelling blood in the water. I knew that crow was up to something. It was a couple of weeks and the Crow King began its reign of terror. The top of the tall pines served as an excellent vantage point for victim selection. That view allowed the Crow King to craft perfect ambushes. It waited for the right moment, the other crows were distracted by the small bits of bread, but not the Crow King. An unsuspecting father and daughter were walking on the trail to the bench. The daughter was carrying a loaf of sandwich bread. She was swinging it back and forth as she stepped. This was the moment the Crow King had been waiting for. It flew so quickly that the crow just seemed to appear. Although the loaf of bread was the objective, it attacked the girl’s face pecking for an eye. The crow knew to do this because it spawned from pure evil. The dad tried to defend his child but the Crow King was quite a fighter, and just flew around continuing the melee. Finally the girl dropped the bread and they ran away. The Crow King had just committed its first bread snatching and liked it. Doing the hard stuff is one of the best ways to build real confidence. Taking the undesirable or difficult project will pull you out of your comfort zone. It feels great when you can complete it, and most would expect to fail so multiple attempts may be expected by most. Of course your failure and success create personal growth. Every win reinforces belief in your abilities and builds the self trust to tackle harder tasks. Confidence built from completing easy tasks can be fragile, while confidence built from doing the hard stuff is more resilient and helps you to be ready to face adversity. When you accomplish something difficult or once thought out of reach, it rewires how you see yourself. You stop focusing on limitations and start seeing yourself as someone who can overcome them. That mindset shift affects challenges in all areas of life. Doing the hard stuff will teach you to try and fail, which is crucial in building real confidence. Setbacks happen when anyone pushes their boundaries. Failure is part of the process. You owe it to yourself to try the hard stuff. After all, the bread tastes better when you earn it. Share via: Facebook X-twitter Pinterest Envelope Click here to sign up

By Scott Reddoch Has pain ever destroyed your entire world? Not a little setback, not an inconvenience, but total destruction. Picture early 1900’s Scotland. It is spring in the border lands where misty mornings give way to sun filled days that highlight the lush green fields. We find our main character winning yet another live stock competition with one of his purple sheep. Most shepherds have a lot of sheep to tend to. The more sheep the more fleece, and losing a few doesn’t break the bank. Our shepherd’s collection of sheep pales in comparison to the others. Although he only has 10 sheep, the purple sheep produce 10 times the wool, and it is the finest quality that anyone has seen. Many aristocrats and monarchs have garments made of the exquisite wool. The wool commands a high price, making our shepherd a wealthy man. The sheep are his prized possession. Our shepherd had sleeping quarters built for them, and keeps them under lock and key to prevent man or wolf from stealing one. Surprisingly, he had no fence but instead had a hedge around the entire perimeter of his land. Outside of the hedge he stripped back the grass some leaving a row of earth. An intruder would leave tracks in the soil and he walked the hedge while the sheep were out of their quarters. Other than the hedge and locked sleeping quarters the shepherd also made sophisticated traps for any wolf coming from the forest. One day while walking the hedge he discovered large tracks in his dirt area. The shepherd had never seen tracks that big before. Knowing that predators were about he decided to camp out near the tracks. At dusk the shepherd moved the purple sheep to their quarters and gathered some wood for the camp fire. The shepherd found a dry, flat place to sleep and made a fire that could be seen for miles. He had a quiet night with no sightings, at dawn he would let the sheep out of their quarters to feed on the grass. As the shepherd approached the quarters he saw that the door was ajar, he had not locked it. He had been out there all night and hadn’t seen any sheep so he figured that they were still inside. Upon entering he found 10 purple sheep. None had escaped, but something had gotten in and that something killed all of them. Completely devastated, the shepherd fell to his knees. This was his fault, how could he forget to lock the door? To make matters worse, whatever killed the sheep didn’t eat anything, they were killed for fun. The shepherd gave each of the sheep a proper burial. After all the labor was done, the shepherd felt an extreme emptiness. Days of mourning turned into weeks. The shepherd’s best memories involved the purple sheep, his entire day had been spent caring for the sheep. He was becoming a hermit, not seeing anyone and barely going outdoors. Noticing his absence, a nearby shepherd visited. Our shepherd informed him of the killing. He had also seen some large tracks and asked for his help in protecting the flock. Reluctantly our shepherd agreed, he didn’t think that he would be much help but thought getting out would do him good. He wasn’t used to watching a big flock. Aside from the fact that they weren’t his purple sheep, he found them to be an aggravating bunch. Nonetheless, he was protecting them and it felt good to be useful again. Wolf tracks were spotted nearby and our shepherd began making his sophisticated wolf traps to help protect the flock. He slept out there and built a large fire. His efforts worked as one wolf was trapped and no sheep were hurt. News of this spread and after a short time our shepherd was building traps for all of the local shepherds. He became known as the shepherd that protects sheep. Life guarantees pain. We lose people, we lose pets, we get sick, we fail. The six c’s of pain remind us that we can respond to pain in several different ways. Some are crushed by pain while others cope. There are ones who see pain presents challenges to transform it into purpose. It still hurts, but turning your pain into compassion, creativity and contribution can bring about powerful changes. More often than not, pain is unexpected, which only enhances its difficultly of being dealt with. The sudden, forced change can shake your world. We often identify with a relationship or job, and when your identity gets snatched away it can be really hard to find any benefit in that. Pain is also overwhelming and often doesn’t make any sense. Separating pain from identity can be a big step. Instead of focusing on the feeling or loss, I dig deep inside and build something in its place. Pain is a disruption. All of the people who I’ve spoken with that have been in a traumatic situation, have a different outlook on what matters in life. Pain causes us to look at things that we may overlook regularly. Many perspectives get focused on what is most important and how a person can impact those things. Pain demands attention and that we find a way to make it stop. In some cases, the pain helps us create a more meaningful life and find our purpose. We must acknowledge the emotions that pain causes. It is OK to be angry or frustrated just don’t get stuck in it. I have decided that the pain I feel is not felt in vain. I deal with it and make sure that I turn pain into reflection on where it came from, and how it shapes the road ahead. The process can be slow, after all this is growth. Finding purpose and helping others have been my favorite benefits of pain. Often you see a person who has been through a painful situation start a charity

By Scott Reddoch One of the hardest things that I have done is accepting my failures. A lot can be learned from failure, the faster that it is accepted the sooner you can begin learning. This next thing is great. Have you ever seen Pinterest fails? If you haven’t seen it, do yourself a favor and search the web for it. There is some pure gold on Pinterest fails. What it does is shows off the terrible first attempts people have made while trying to create something they found on Pinterest, pure gold! We don’t like the word failure. The word is often associated with regret and frustration. Failure can often feel like the end, a miserable final judgment on your sweat and hard work. It isn’t final. Failure is vital feedback on that try and can be a big catalyst for change. Think of a failure that stands out in your life. How did your failure affect you? Were others affected? Did you learn from the experience? Perhaps the biggest reluctance to try is a deeply rooted fear of failure. If this sounds like you, welcome to the club. The fear of failure is a learned behavior. We learn that failing is a bad thing early in childhood. Most babies and toddlers have no concept of failure. They try to sit up, fail and try again. Babies don’t give up on trying to walk because the first few attempts failed, but many adults would. A baby may cry if a leaf touches its arm, but will keep trying to do things without any frustration. We can learn a thing or two from a baby. The fear of failure and only seeing the desired achievement as success, can lead to stagnation. Society has made failure into a flaw or weakness and it should be avoided at all costs. Because of this, we quit pushing our limits. You may think that if you don’t try that you don’t fail. We achieve greatness through trying. Failure is a step in any growing endeavor. Fumbling around in the dark isn’t fun, but blazing a trail is. What many people don’t realize is that failure has numerous lessons to teach us. Failure presents opportunities to learn that a lucky shot does not. A failed plan will reveal mistakes in the approach or areas that need additional improvement for your next try. The process of reflection on the failures and adjusting the plan, is vital for ultimately achieving success in your endeavors. Without falling, there isn’t need for any adjustment to the plan, the changes and other attempts build up persistence. Every single successful person that I’ve met has said that learning from mistakes, adjusting as needed, and persistence are keys to their achievement. Each time that I accept failure, I develop the ability to bounce back from adversity a little faster. It’s not the failure that defines my self-worth, but what I do next that does. By accepting the failure, I complete the first step towards success and I build emotional resilience. Learning to accept failure without it affecting my self-worth, allows me to improvise and adapt my approach more quickly. Over time, I have shifted my mindset from fearing failure to looking for a solution to the problem. Sometimes my solution doesn’t work, and that is okay. A huge part of achieving anything is self-compassion. I’m not getting anything accomplished by chewing myself out and having a pity party because the plan didn’t work. I have learned that kindness and patience with myself is important. This allows me to forgive myself for not being perfect, realizing that anyone who strives for success will face failures along the way. By being self-compassionate, I create an environment that focuses on having the confidence to try, fail and try again. I mentioned earlier that accepting failure can be a catalyst for change. I think the powerful changes are underestimated. Many of us have heard that necessity is the mother of invention. I have found failure to be the mother of invention. Failure forces me to reassess and change my approach. It challenges my creativity and makes me create new strategies to reach my goal. My lack of growth can be attributed to the fear of failure. The tried and true ways that others have made for achievement, are easy to get stuck in. When I accept failure and realize that it is just part of the process, I open lots of new possibilities. Accepting failure is just a step in the process of success. I am in no way saying that we don’t need to be accountable. I am just saying that failure is not a bad thing, it is temporary and tells you what doesn’t work. Through failure we develop the emotional resilience to keep going. It challenges us to change course and push through the adversity. Don’t miss out on the great feedback that failure has for us. Changing my mindset from fearing failure to solving problems has been crucial for my achievement. Regardless of how many times I fall, I know failure is a temporary setback, and is crucial for future achievement. Share via: Click here to sign up

By Scott Reddoch When I was eight I had a hamster named Nitro. It was a bribe. My parents said if I didn’t get any C’s on my report card that they would reward me with a sleeping rodent. I’m not sure who convinced the world that hamsters are good pets, but they were quite a salesperson. I tried really hard at school and also spent a lot of time learning about hamsters. Report cards came and I got straight C’s, I wasn’t failing school but I wouldn’t be getting a hamster either. The next report card I had gotten B’s and two A’s, that was good enough for a hamster. So I get this thing and it hates me. It has a stinky cage, it sleeps all day, and bites me every chance it gets. Hamsters are dumb pets. I figured that Nitro was cranky because it was stuck in that cage. To help things, I built Nitro an obstacle course. In hindsight, I guess grabbing Nitro while it was trying to sleep and throwing it on my obstacle course probably wasn’t the best remedy, but I was eight. My obstacle course was pretty elaborate, I even had a water obstacle that was made from a turtle habitat. Nitro didn’t appreciate my work and would run around the perimeter of the course looking for an escape. I wore thick leather work gloves to handle Nitro and lined the perimeter of my course with pillows from my bed and the ones that my mom put on the furniture. Since Nitro didn’t like my obstacle course I built it a maze. It was some of my best work complete with a piece of cheese at the end. Nitro was only interested in escaping. It didn’t like the maze either, it would just run around the perimeter looking for an opening. Living up to its name, Nitro was a beast on the exercise wheel. It would only exercise at night, besides having a mean streak, it was nocturnal too. Hamsters are dumb pets. From dusk to dawn Nitro would run on that wheel. It was bound to happen, I left a gap in the perimeter pillows and Nitro found it the second that I placed it on the obstacle course. I never saw Nitro again. A lot can be said about Nitro’s drawbacks but I can’t discount its persistence. In a world that praises overnight success and searches for the easy route, we can learn a big lesson from the hamster. Trying again and again in the face of adversity is persistence. The ability to stay the course despite delay or discouragement is a powerful mindset that separates those who achieve their goals from those who don’t. Persistence is the invisible force behind success. It fuels growth and helps us reach our dreams. Life is full of setbacks and failure. Persistent people navigate through it without losing their sense of direction. They don’t fall apart when the plan doesn’t work, they adjust their approach and try again. You can see that there are a lot of benefits to being a persistent person, but what if you’re not? How do you become more persistent? While some are certainly more determined than others, persistence is a learnable skill, but it won’t be learned overnight. Building persistence is like building a muscle. The author and psychiatrist Angela Duckworth speaks about developing skills with deliberate practice. You have to put the reps in. I was not a very persistent person. I have some qualities but persistence was not one of them. Here are the things that I have found to be the most helpful to me building persistence. Big Goals This is the first step for most things but is so underrated. Set clear, specific goals that matter to you. When setting goals think about why you picked them. Knowing why you are doing this will help your motivation when the obstacles arise. Smaller Goals Break your big goals into a bunch of smaller ones. Make them achievable steps that support your big goal. Acknowledge your wins, keep momentum, remember why you are doing this in the first place. Good Habits Start making good habits. Do the small stuff: fold your laundry, make the bed, have some pride in what you do. Have a daily list of tasks, complete everything you put on it. Embrace Failure The ups and downs are part of the process. Realize that failure is trying to teach you something. We are conditioned that failure must be avoided, but it just shows us what doesn’t work. Track ItHow is that persistence going? Find a way to track your progress. Reflect on your accomplishments. This reflection shows how far you’ve come, and can boost your motivation. Self Care Don’t burn yourself out. Persistence isn’t pushing through no matter what, and we don’t reach our big goals with erratic spurts. Give yourself breaks. Be positive. Encourage yourself during the tough times. Rest up and make sure that your mind is sharp. Progress is progress even when it is slow. Keep Pushing Persistence is the long game. When motivation seems out of reach remember why you are doing this. Practicing good self care and checking your progress along the way can help you find the motivation to reach your goals. Persistence isn’t about perfection. There is self doubt, failure and numerous setbacks. Set clear goals, measure your progress and keep a positive mindset. Strengthening persistence will help you achieve more than you thought was possible. Share via: Click here to sign up

By Scott Reddoch The baby giraffe was again making trouble. It enjoyed knocking over trash cans and pushing things off of tables and onto the floor. There was a marching band assembling near the elevators on the big hallway.  I was glad that the practice had not started. “It is all bad news,” he said. “Me and the other doctors give him a 10 % chance of surviving the next four months.” I wasn’t supposed to hear that conversation, and wouldn’t have if the band began to play.  I was hoping that someone would dim the lights. I thought that they better stop talking about me and make some room. Giraffes need a lot of space to hide, and the loud noise coming from band practice scares the baby. Before I get any further, let’s look at a brief history of me. I am the oldest of two children born into a strong, working class family. I was born in a small South Louisiana town, at a hospital that is literally located on a bayou. My childhood was pretty good, full of wonder and limitless possibility. Things were so simple, I remember the large supply of lizards and dragonflies that would entertain me for hours. At the age of eight, my father took a job in New Orleans, and we moved away from the sleepy place that we knew as home. Life in the city was different from the life I left in the small town. I had never seen a panhandler before, and the housing projects that I saw, are infamous for drugs and violence, all new concepts for little me. My father worked two jobs and my mom had one, they had to do that to pay the bills. We didn’t have extra, but we had enough, and I am grateful for the sacrifices they made. I did well in school, thanks to the robust work ethic I learned, and slightly better than average intelligence. Ready to spread my wings, I found myself in a Marine Corps boot camp 10 days after high school graduation. I did learn a lot from the Marines. Although I learned a lot about early adulthood, I still had the thought of travel and adventure stirring in my young head. Early adulthood is somewhat a blur, but full of bad decisions and a total waste of money. I certainly know hard knocks, it is the only way that I would listen. Driven by wanderlust, I abandoned early college, and chased the meaning of it all. I guess that I found meaning, but didn’t understand what any of it meant. Slowly, I began to settle down. I was taught that if I found a job I could tolerate, that I should stick with it. My career sort of made itself, as I was just going for the ride, not planning any aspect of the journey. I bounced around a bit, but did stay in the same field, which was of great benefit. I did find a few good places to work with. I stuck around them, one year became two, and now I look back at a 23 year career in civil engineering and construction. I guess that time passes regardless of what you do with it. After 21 years in the business, I branched out on my own. At around 18 months I finally started making a profit, I began looking at ways to improve the operation. I began having dizzy spells that worsened to the point where I went to the hospital. I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and given a prescription. I went on nearly a sodium free diet and followed up, and had blood work done as requested. I never made the appointment to review the test results. Instead, I was in a hospital, on a ventilator, fighting for my life. I had suffered two strokes to my brainstem. The first stroke put me in the hospital, with the second stroke occurring about 18 hours later. The second stroke nearly killed me, it happened while I was in the hospital, and I underwent emergency surgery to ensure that blood was flowing to my brain. This was the beginning of a long, treacherous journey. The strokes that I had are rare, making one percent of cases worldwide. Additionally, I was diagnosed with locked in syndrome, meaning I’m unable to speak, eat, move, or communicate. Improper cleaning led to the development of a serious pressure sore. I had a respiratory trainee make a huge mistake, that caused me to “gully breath ” and choke on my saliva and blood. When I started to gully breath, I was sent away to a hospital one and a half hours away, this was my abrupt introduction to profit driven health care. Nothing screams patient care like riding in the back of an ambulance, while being tossed around by hospitals for liability mitigation. The giraffe somehow found a ride to hospital three, it wouldn’t go to hospital two. I won’t be naming places, be sure to keep your eyes open at all times, there are some good hospitals, and some bad ones too.  You are already aware of hospital one, that is where I had the second stroke, and was given a pressure sore and a bleeding throat. I was transferred to hospital two, and luckily they couldn’t stop my bleeding, which was good cause I probably would not have lived much longer there.  It smelled like death. The entire staff wore Halloween masks, that must have really been stuffy because my air conditioning didn’t work. I was transferred again, hospital three. Hospital three was good, they stopped the bleeding and cared about me, but the administration didn’t like my insurance, so I had to go. My mother asked that I wouldn’t be transferred back to hospital two. I once again was moving, hospital four. I met a good staff at hospital four, they got me off the ventilator, and sat me up in

By Scott Reddoch When I became paralyzed, I didn’t have a tribe of people around me who knew the ins and outs of paralysis. Regardless of the situation, most don’t have the tribe that they truly need. In my situation, I had and continue to have an amazing group of people who are helping me during this difficult time. I have slowly met others who can relate to my injuries and my tremendous loss. The first step in finding my tribe was for me to accept my new reality. I had a lot of emotions and wasn’t ready to start making new friends. I had a lot to unpack, and I thought that it was best to deal with that in my own way. I sorted out a lot of my emotions alone. I did seek the help of a mental professional. These things take time. Some of the initial contact I had with doctors, nurses and therapists yielded good friendship. I had made new friends in them, not that they were in my situation, but that they offered me tremendous support and were empathetic to me. I’m very grateful that they were interested in friendship with me since I was terrible company. I wasn’t very agreeable and couldn’t see the value of pursuing a friendship with me. Adaptive sports, meet up groups, and hobby groups all offer connections and opportunity for friendship, but are mostly out of reach for a person in my condition. I certainly cannot compete in sports, and being outdoors can present fatal challenges for me. Social media has groups online that you will find are dedicated to specific situations. The virtual nature of social media, allows me to engage with others in similar conditions regardless of physical location. Online communities, like any community attract lots of different personalities, but I have found everyone to be friendly and supportive. Many charity groups have websites (and often online communities) and can be a great source of information. When I was researching paralysis, some of the social media groups that I am part of were referenced, linked, or even partnered with the charities whose sites I was visiting. Most of the social media groups that I am a part of were first found on websites. I reached out to a local charity to see if they could help me with a specific personal problem that I was trying to address. Not only did the charity create a solution to my issue, the founder asked for me to help out on a few projects. I hadn’t been asked my opinion in a while, and I felt like I was doing something worthwhile with what I had left. Volunteering has done wonders for me. I consider myself lucky to have experienced the benefit that volunteering has made on my life. I have met some great people while volunteering, and it just feels good. There is more than just the good feeling associated with volunteering, it can release some great brain chemistry too. By volunteering, many people (me included) activate the reward center in the brain. Activating the brain’s reward center releases dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins, this release of chemicals is commonly known as the “helper’s high.” A close sibling of the runner’s high, the helper’s high releases the same chemicals without the pesky running part. Throughout my search, patience has played a big role. I am not a naturally patient person and am constantly learning to be more patient. Before I started this journey to find my tribe, I had to develop the patience to deal with my new reality. Once I sorted out my new reality, I needed patience to look for and develop relationships with the new people that I met. I have written about patience and I have been told by others that they feel that it is a very important trait in recovery. I also had to get comfortable with the new way that I had social interaction. In the past most of my social networking was face to face, being online only took some “getting used to.” You can’t read the room online and like email, emotion is nearly impossible to gauge. However, there are some fantastic people to meet and thanks to the web, geographic location no longer presents a barrier. Although it felt foreign and even a little fake at times, I kept an open mind. I am mostly an introvert and don’t form friendship as quickly as others. I mentioned before that this takes time. Social media friends can be the same as regular life friends. The same friend finding process exists in both social media and regular real life settings. The way that I find friends is I look for people who have the same interests as me, if I can also tolerate their personality, they become a good candidate for friendship. Friend finding is not a difficult task, most of us have been finding friends for most of our lives. Finding “my tribe,” has allowed me to foster relationships into a network of social support. A social network that benefits my mental health, and the mental health of those I meet. People matter. Even an introvert like me needs some people in their life. I spoke about fostering relationships and how having a social network helps my mental health, but how? For me, the biggest benefit to finding my tribe was the reduction of isolation and loneliness. It’s pretty well known that loneliness can contribute to anxiety and depression. Having a tribe gives me a sense of belonging, and helps me see that I’m not the only one with problems. My second favorite benefit is less stress. Let me say that my being in a tribe doesn’t remove stress, but helps me cope with it better. Tribe members can offer emotional support and reassurance, which can limit stress’s effects. The last obvious benefit that I will mention is more resilience. When something gets me down, I have people who